| i know i never write in this thing |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|03:40 pm] |
This week at school, my students drove me crazy. They think its winter break already - sleeping in class, not turning in homework, and general constant complaining about having to be at school. I have a movie day planned for next week, but I have had to threaten to take it away if the little cherubs don't behave. So far, it's looking as if two classes are going to earn "A Christmas Story" and candy; the other class is going to earn themselves right into a quiz.
Despite all their crazy and bad attitudes, I've been feeling more and more like I'm connecting with them and getting to know them. When I did my student teaching at Hughes, this took a lot less time because I was only running 10-16 students per class. It's a lot easier to focus on individual kids with such small class sizes - but I wil probably never be so lucky again. Most of my students now are very high maintenance, and because I've got all 30 of them needing my constant attention, it's taken so much longer to learn their quirks, how to relate to each individual one...The other day in class Jessica was sleeping, and I kept waking her up. She was in the worst mood and was highly annoyed -- She probably thought I was a nag, and I was frustrated by her apathy about "Of Mice and Men." But later on when I subbed in her gym class, we laughed about it. Just because we don't get along during one particular class period, it doens't mean that we won't ever get along, or have a bad connection. Likewise, I think my students are starting to realize that although I may be very disappointed and angry at them one day, it doens't mean that I don't care about them.
My teaching life goes in all directions. Sometimes I feel like I am running out of steam, ideas for lessons, and patience. And sometimes I actually feel competant. Some of my lessons turn out really badly, some work, and occasionally, I have one that goes really awesomely. On those days I love my students, and I love teaching. Just think how great it's going to be 5 or 10 years down the road when I've weeded out all of the bad lessons! |
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| sad news |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|06:22 pm] |
One of my sophomore students, Josh Radosevich, died this week. He was training to be a jockey and was thrown from his horse when it broke its leg in a race. He got trampled on by the horses behind him and died on the way to the hospital.... It happened on Wednesday, and I think I'm still a little in shock. That seems to be the way death goes with me, at least in the beginning...
On Thursday morning, we had some of the counseling staff and our assistant principal come into our dyad class, Josh's first period, to make the annoucement. Amy (the History teacher) and I were a mess. As soon as I saw the kids, I started crying - and they were crying, Amy was crying... We talked about some about their reactions, how they were feeling, and we got out paper and markers for them to write notes to Josh's family. We basically had a grieving day. I felt like a mom instead of a teacher - hugging upset students, passing out tissues, making sure everyone ate lunch. My students have all been affected, even if they didn't know Josh that well. He was in that class with them for the past two years. And I think for many of them, Josh was the first really young person they knew who had passed away. For me too.
I went to his visitation yesterday with several of his other teachers, and it was sad... There were lots of photos of him around, lots of kids there from school...Amy and I were both crying before we even got to the casket. Josh was a really vibrant kid....He cared about riding horses more than I've ever had a student care about anything. He was funny, and I really liked having him in class. He always used to ask me if he was my favorite student, and I always said yes! I like my students, but I guess I hadn't realized how much I care about them until this happened. It was weird for me to see his body there in the casket, so young and without life to it - It really didn't look that much like him. And I think that's what helps me about seeing the body. It looks so unlike its living counterpart, that I know the soul -the real person - isn't there anymore. It's just a shell that used to hold the person... Josh's real self is probably in heaven somewhere, and I like that idea a lot more than it being buried in the ground.
I had not anticipated that this would be so hard for me.I hate marking him absent in our computer system. And my students are so sad. But I have had so many real, quality discussions with them since Josh died, which is one of the positive things that has happened this week. He opened that window for us... |
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| kids these days |
[Nov. 11th, 2005|12:16 pm] |
How do you get your kids to see the bigger picture? This is the last week of our second grading period at school, and I have many students who are not going to get a passing grade on their report card, some for the second time in my class. This is mostly caused by A) not turning in assignments B) turning in incomplete assignments or C) trying to finish as quickly as possible and doing poor work. Many of these assignments are ones that we did together as a class, and some students didn't even complete that work, when I was leading them setp by step to the right answers. They won't even take notes if I don't give them points for them. I have to bribe them just to get them to write down a few examples. Then at the end of the grading period, they seem totally shocked that they are failing. "But Mrs. Gardner, I turned in such-and-such assignment." They don't make the connection that even if you turn in 3 assignments but don't do the other 15, then you will not pass English.
The differences in some of my students are amazing. My sophomores are generally all the same level, but some of them have Super A's, while I have some others with grades like 20% and yes, even 8%. I have about 10 in each class that work incredibly hard, always do their work, and have the grades to show for it. They see the other kids as a joke because they act like goons and don't do anything - I'm not really complaining, but I really am puzzled. What makes the difference for those kids who do well? Parents probably have something to do with that...Maybe they were just taught the value of hard work and achievement....Some of the kids in my classes do have learning disabilities, but it seems to be the effort that makes the biggest difference. So how can I get the rest of the class to step it up? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|01:29 pm] |
Hi. While doing some routine internet stuff, I realized that I haven't really been online very much in the last few months -- and I wanted to do a little (or big)update so you would know what's going on in my life.
Right before school started, I got a job teaching 50% English at Central Crossing High School in Grove City. 50% means that I only teach for half the day, and thus only get a 50% salary with no benefits. The good part is that I can sometimes sub in the afternoon for extra money, and I'm getting in a year's worth of real teaching experience in a good district. The bad part is that I'm essentially doing as much planning and prep as a full-time teacher, but teaching it to less students...I usually end up staying here at school all day anyway, grading papers and meeting with students. And I'm co-advising the Key Club. We need more money, but there's no way I have time to get a job in the evenings - At least so far in this first year, teaching is an all-consuming profession. I like it, but it basically controls your life.
The students I have are challenging in the way that my Hughes kids were challenging. Many of them lack motivation and have some learning disabilities, plus ADD, which makes it so much harder to get any quality work out of them. Today I gave a quiz over poetry terms that we've been covering in class the past two weeks. I gave them a week's advance notice, we made flashcards, I gave them study time in class, I took the definitions right off the handout, and about 75% of them failed it. I kinda feel like pulling my hair out...It was really easy. I don't want them to fail, but even though I'm tempted, I'm not going to lower my standards for them. My class is already too easy to begin with, and I want them to know that they need to work harder than they have been so far. I do have a few kids who are working their butts off, and most of the students are likable as a whole. I am just overwhelmed. I am tired, but I like coming to work everyday, so I guess that's the trade-off.
Chris and I have been trying to get settled in Columbus -- It's very different than Cincinnati; there aren't any cool, cheap neighborhoods, no charm, and no neat traditions like Skyline Chili. But it's alright for the most part. I really like our church, King Ave. Methodist, which is near OSU's campus. It is a big diverse urban chuch, with tons of different people, a good choir, and everyone is very welcoming. People there are not afriad to ask questions, which is something I have always wanted to see in a church, and they really celebrate their community. Chris and I have been going to dinners, Bible classes, and trying to meet some people. Chris is on staff there as the children's music minister, and we are really getting to know both of the pastors, so that helps. Getting to visit Carrie, Nathan, and Kennedy is one of the best things about Columbus. She is on the verge of crawling, and we love hanging out with the Firths.
Other than all of those things, not much else has been happening. Last night Chris and I sat down and hashed out what we were going to do about Christmas plans - It seems crazy, but the time is quickly approaching for all of the holiday cheer. It makes me miss my mom because she always loved Christmas so much - buying ornaments and carrying around the bag o money. I wish I could see her. She was the one who always encouraged me to be a teacher, and now that I am one, she's not even here to hear all my stories. I just never really knew that you could miss someone so much. |
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| i hate jobs |
[Jul. 25th, 2005|01:18 pm] |
Not much has been happening on the job front. I had another interview at New Albany High School, but I don't think we were a good match, and it didn't go well at all. And despite all of my calling, I haven't heard anything at all from any school in two weeks...Boo. My tactic this week is to email my resume to all the principals of the individual high schools, or sending hard copy letters to the ones without emails. If I call, the only person I ever talk to is the secretery, but maybe with the email, the principal will at least see my name.
I have to admit that I really feel like giving up at this point. It's getting closer and closer to the beginning of the school year, and my chances of getting a job are less and less. I feel distressed because this Job Search has been a huge project since March, sucking up all my free time, phone minutes, ink, and paper -- and I feel like it's all been for nothing. True, I can sub, but that brings on a whole host of other anxieties: not making enough money, not being able to do something significant, not having a consistent schedule, and my education getting a whole year out-of-date.
I miss my mom like crazy. All I want is to be able to be sad and worried about just one thing -- her. But now it seems like my life is going to be consumed with worries about everything else...I guess that old saying is true. When it rains, it pours. All I want is a break... |
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| part 2 |
[Jul. 5th, 2005|05:56 pm] |
I had a job interview two weeks ago for a school in the Columbus Public district, and today I heard back from the principal. They gave both English positions to other people. I was more upset that I expected to be - especially because I thought the interview went really well. I felt relaxed and articulate, and the principal was really complimentary. He told me that he really liked the things I said in the interview, and that I was one of his top choices for the positions. I was only the second person that they interviewed, so maybe it was a timing issue....But I'm really nervous that I won't even get anymore chances to interview because English positions are so scarce, and I'm worried that I won't be able to be a teacher next year.
I have been trying to do everything that people reccomend. I have sent resumes and applications to 18 public school districts and 11 private schools. I sent resumes to the individual principals as well as the district office. I've called every district several times to leave my name, ask about open positions, and even asking for interviews. I have been assertive and active, but I have only heard from one school (Columbus Public) which obviously didn't work out. I paid $65 in the spring to register with OSU's Career Office and go to their teaching job fair, but then my Mom died, and I couldn't go. Her funeral was that day.... I could have made a lot of Columbus contacts that day. I feel like I'm being double punished -- Not only did my Mom die, but I'm also not going to get a full-time job in the area that I love and went to two years of extra school to do. It's not so much that I need the steady income and the benefits (although Chris will be in school, and we really do need those things) but I honestly want to teach. I've finally found something that is significant, that I enjoy doing, and I get to help people every day, and I can't even get a job doing it. I will probably be able to sub, but subbing is nothing like having your own students, and I will have to find something else to do at the beginning of the year since most teacher's won't be out. I'm worried about making enough money subbing to support Chris and I. I'm really discouraged about this job search. Please pray that something will happen soon.
In other job news, I finally got some jobs for the summer. I'm working in the mornings at the Manpower Office, answering phones and helping with clerical stuff, and in the evenings, I'll be working at Blockbuster. Both jobs seem pretty easy with nice people, and I can finally get out of the house and contribute to the income.... |
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| late-nite like old times |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|01:27 am] |
It is 1:30 in the morning, and I am sitting here in my bed with the iBook, Chris sleeping beside me. Today was so hot, and our apartment is only pseudo air-conditioned (a window unit in the living room, which doesn't cool down the bedroom, even if we weren't trying to conserve energy money by not running it). So even though we have a giant fan, it is sweltering hot, and I'm all sweaty and gross and can't fall asleep.
I was thinking this evening as I looked over my last few sporadic posts of all the giant events that have happened in the last few months of my life - becoming an aunt, losing my Mom, getting married, looking for a job, getting ready to move to Columbus...That is a lot of major things at once, and I've been trying to let myself feel the effects of them without letting stress control everything. But right now the stress is winning...If you read this thing, you would think my life to be a major drama. So I wanted to give you all an update on both the big and little things...
1. My neice Kennedy is growing and growing, and she's old enough now that she's smiling and having a little personality. I was in Columbus a few weeks ago for an interview, and I got to visit with her a little. It will be nice when we live in Columbus, so we will be able to spend more time being her aunt and uncle and watching her grow up. After she first came home from the hospital, Chris and I were visiting when my Dad called to tell me that Mom's Hepatitis test had come back positive. He told me to enjoy her, because babies were one the of the really good things about life...I don't know if it is connected in any way, but I think it is interesting that when Kennedy came into the world, my mom went out of it. I think I will always remember her as a little bit of joy in the sorrow.
2. I miss my mom terribly in little chunks. I really want to call her up and tell her about my job search, to talk about American Idol results, and to talk about Niagra Falls. I went home for Memorial Day and was so sad all weekend. Dad made the cauliflower salad that Mom always made, and we went to the cookouts, but she was missing in her usual spots. I kept having to escape to the bathroom to cry to myself. I felt out of place without her there. I don’t know why because I never really hung out with her much at family things. But it was like I didn’t know where to sit or who to talk to. I think it was the worse sadness and longing I had ever felt. Last week Dad emailed me the mock-up on Mom's headstone, and when I showed it to Chris, I just started crying. A headstone? It feels totally wrong.
At the wedding, I carried a locket with her picture, wrapped around the stems of my flowers. I picked a photo where she is young and vibrant, and dressed up for a New Years Eve dance, shortly after she married my Dad. She looks so beautiful -- I tried to think about her without feeling sad, and I managed really well until we got into the car after the ceremony, and then I let myself miss her a lot. At the end of the day as I was taking off my veil, I thought about how much she loved my dress and didn't get to see me in it, how she missed everything, how she won't be in any of my pictures, and Chris just hugged me as we stood there by the mirror, feeling sad. I thought about her at Niagra Falls, about how at some point in our lives we both stood there looking at it. I miss her...
3. Being married is a constant exercise in adjustment -- Chris and I have both had a lot of space to ourselves for awhile, and now we are sharing a space that feels incredibly small, while trying to compromise and get settled into a routine that works for us, as well as dealing with the stress of looking for jobs and trying out our new roles and a wife and a husband. So far I like things that are "ours" like our new IKEA coffeetable, having meals together, and knowing that every night we will both be together here in our house...I like being partners, and I can't wait to move into our new apartment and start everything fresh together. |
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| mrs. gardner |
[Jun. 20th, 2005|08:07 pm] |
Well, I'm now a married woman! The wedding was last Saturday, and everything went really well. We tried to keep it really relaxed - took pictures before the ceremony, kept announcing to a minimum, and played our own music on CDs. I felt really calm, and the ceremony was nice, especially while Joanna was singing, and I got to have a few minutes with Chris lighting the unity candle and just enjoying the moment. We used "All You Need is Love" as our recessional, which was perfect and fun, and we had some oldies playing all throughout our receiving line. We tried to make the reception as less of a show as we could. We still did the special dances and cake cutting, but we didn't announce them, and instead of being introduced, we just wandered into the reception hall. We skipped the garter and bouquet toss altogether. I thought it turned out to be the right amount of casual - I had a really fun time. I was really pleased with the flowers, and I loved my dress. I felt beautiful and happy. (Chris looked very handsome too!)
Our honeymoon was so much fun! Toronto is a great city. We went to a few great museums, checked out the CN Tower (yes, the tallest observation deck in the world), explored some neighborhoods, saw Niagra Falls, bought cool Canadian candy bars, and got a coffee table at IKEA. So far I love being married - We're still trying to get settled in the apartment and get into a routine. I'm still looking for a summer job, so I will be glad when I'm back into a routine. Chris is working at Bravo, getting used to my snoring, and trying to make music in my limited space. It is an adjustment to live in the same space, but I love being able to see him all the time.
I can't wait until he gets home from work. |
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| regrets |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|11:24 pm] |
I'm feeling really guilty tonight for fighting with my Mom about the wedding -- I think wedding disagreements are inevitable with most moms and daughters, but especially with us because we were always interested in different things. We had different tastes, and everyone has their own ideas about what a wedding should be like -- my parents, Chris, me. I just wanted to make everyone happy, but that's hard to do because everyone is so sensitive about it and wants different things.
Our arguments were always compounded because of the timing of our lives. I was always trying to become more independent, make my own decisions, and be autonomous from my parents, but I think my Mom was still in the process of letting me go and learning to have an adult-adult relationship with me, instead of an adult-child relationship. I was upset that she wasn't letting me be my own person, and she was probably upset because I was trying to be one. Maybe Mom's feelings were hurt when I wanted something for the wedding that she didn't want. My feelings were always hurt because she never really cared for the things that interested me, or maybe she just couldn't show it. I don't think we had a lot in common, which is maybe why we weren't as close as I always wanted us to be.
I have good relationships with people who are a lot different than me, and I think Mom and I would have gotten to that point in our relationship, too. Once we got past all of the wedding/growing up drama and related as adults. But the really sad thing is that we never made it there. I had all of these hopes that eventually we would be close, but now we're going to be stuck in this awkward, crappy phase for the rest of my life. I just wish we had more time to take care of some of those things.... |
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| passing away |
[Apr. 22nd, 2005|03:02 pm] |
My Mom died two weeks ago. She had liver failure due to Hepatitis C, which she got from infected blood in 1983, before blood was tested. Even though she had been HIV positive for a long time and co-infection is really common, no one thought to test her for Hepatitis or watch out for her liver. So it was basically messing up her liver unchecked for 20 years...And in the 10 days she was in the ICU, I learned that the liver does a ton of essential things in the body. Without a functioning one, lots of things will go wrong, and it will kill you. I've developed a true appreciation and respect for the liver in the last month. We only knew about the Hepatitis for six weeks, and then she passed away. Everything happened so fast.
I feel really confused about things -- I keep busy during the days so I don't have to think about how sad I am, and in the evenings I feel full of longing for my Mom. I miss her. Even though I'm used to not seeing her all the time, it feels differently now because I know I'll never see her again. I look at pictures of her all the time and try to think about things she said to me at various times in my life because I'm afraid that I'll forget what she sounded like. One evening this week I ended up at CVS, looking at Mother's Day cards and crying. Mostly I just have a big sense of things not being right. I feel weird. Because my life is changed. We are supposed to be a family of four, not three.
The saddest thing is that my wedding is in two months, and I will have to do it all without her. I never prayed for my Mom to be healed, but I prayed all the time for her to live until my wedding, to see me get married. Because she had been healthy for so long, I thought it wasn't going to be an issue. Part of me is really mad at God about that. I mean, come on! Two months!....Luckily I have the greatest aunts in the world, and everyone has been supportive and wonderful about helping me get things taken care of for the wedding...
I'll probably have more coherent reflections later, but right now I am a giant ball of feelings...It's stil hard to beleive that all of this happened. |
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| the luckiest |
[Mar. 21st, 2005|11:49 pm] |
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A lot of things have been happening to me. But to keep y'all from getting overwhelmed from one giant long post, I'm going to break it up into a few smaller posts instead. This one is about me being an aunt. At the beginning of March, Carrie and Nathan had their baby -- a girl named Kennedy. Chris and I drove up to Columbus on the day she was born and got to meet her on her first day of life. She was pink and tiny, her eyes were mostly closed, and her skin was the softest thing I've ever touched. I went back up to Columbus on Saturday, and she already looks bigger. But I got to cuddle her for a whole hour, her little body curled up against mine, her tiny belly moving up and down with her breathing. She's so sweet, my neice. Chris is already crazy about her. He spent half of his spring break in Columbus and took naps every day with Kennedy laying on his chest. He says they're friends. Here are some cute photos of her... |
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| happy update |
[Feb. 25th, 2005|11:04 am] |
Last week Chris and I started going to our pre-marital counseling with Aldo, who is the therapist we did the Pairs weekend with. Last Friday we made a list of the issues we wanted to talk about for the next several months...things like family, money, ways to communicate, ways to fight fair, and ways to not drive each other crazy. Even though I know Aldo, I still felt a little nervous, never having been in therapy before. So I did talk a lot, but I felt out of breath and wheezey like I get when I have to reveal really personal things to strangers. I'm really glad that we're going though -- If you learn good communication and conflict early in your marriage, you won't be back at the therapist 20 years later trying to wade through everything after the fact and trying to repair the damage. That's what Aldo says anyway -- He seems really happy that we're so young and already working on these things.
Wedding details have been falling into place. All of our registering is finished, our invitations have arrived at my parents' house, my dress is in, and we've started shopping for wedding rings. I've started practicing my married name, too. When we went out for Valentine's Day, I made the reservations under Anne Gardner. It was really fun :) Among the other major things going on in our lives right now are job searching, grad school applying, and apartment hunting...Oh, and Chris's sister Carrie is having a baby in a few weeks, so I'm almost an aunt.
I'll keep you updated on all the joyful events :) |
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| the spiritual middle? |
[Jan. 25th, 2005|07:18 pm] |
Today I started my second job back at the UC Admissions Office. Everyone was glad to see me, and I got right back into the swing of things -- part of which is listening to music for several hours a day. This is by far the best part of the job, and since I now have my iPod, my music choices are unlimited. Today I had it on shuffle. I kept getting lauched into different moods by whatever song was coming up. First I heard the Twist, which made me think about our wedding reception; then I got "White Houses" by Vanessa Carlton, which got me being retrospective, thinking about the idyllic summers of my life. After that I got some Ginny Owens -- and I started thinking about my spiritual life.
Part of the time it feels like a mess. Sometimes I'm not even thinking about it, and sometimes it feels weak. I think I just haven't found my footing -- When I first started college I felt elated about God. Being spiritual meant feeling emotional about God and doing lots of religious activities. I had great Christian friends who were really fun. I really did feel close to God, but everything was new and my emotions were strong enough to cover up any issues I struggled with. As I progressed through college, I got more and more disillusioned with the church and my own life. My questions were discouraged by people I cared about. I felt more and more like I was a huge failure because I hated quiet times, and I never did or thought all of the "Christian things" a good person was supposed to do or think. Then the war started, and I started feeling even more distant from my faith. I know that I am not an "Evangelical," but I have never made it to the other side either (which I guess would be more liturgical and intelligent). The emotional stuff does not make sense to me, but the intellect of spirituality doesn't interest me either.
I guess I feel that there is not a model for me to follow. I don't know how to function in this middle-land, and the spiritual part of me is just kind of hovering. I hardly ever pray, at least not in any coherant way. I never read my Bible. When I try to do these things, I just don't feel accepted and get frustrated. Perhaps I am worried that God just doens't like the middle and won't accept me unless I act more like a Christian. I do loving things -- I smile at the people I work with, I do my best to teach challenging teenagers, and I'm polite to people on the road. But are those things a Christian would do or just a nice person? Do I have to read my Bible to be a Christian? Hate abortion? Be reflective? Be good? I don't fit any molds anymore, and I long for guidence and a place to belong.
Maybe more than anything, I want company in the middle. I want to know a good Christian that never reads their Bible and doesn't feel guilty about it, someone who doesn't want to amend the Constitution, someone who doens't say or do the right thing, someone who has time for me. I suspect that Jesus was probably in the middle...He didn't seem bogged down by all the religious/political shit that was going on around him. So how come I am? Maybe because I am only Annie Whaley; I am not the Son of God, and I barely stand a chance. |
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| miraculous employment |
[Jan. 19th, 2005|01:22 am] |
For the past couple of years, I have gotten employment with incredible ease. My summer job at Miami Housing was a breeze, no interview or anything. Then as soon as I moved to Cincinnati, I got a job at the Admissions Office and got on at Dubois until my UC job started. THEN a couple of days ago when I walked into Manpower to get on their temp list, a position opened up at XPEDEX and it was offered to me right on the spot after looking at my resume. AND my boss from the Admissions Office called to see if I can help out at the office. Since I get off at XPEDEX at 2:00, I can work at UC until 5:00 every day, sometimes even past 5:00 to make some extra cash. Isn't all of that awesome? In the back of my head, I'm thinking that God is being so nice because something crappy is going to happen soon -- like I won't get a teaching job in the fall. But he's probably just trying to prove to me that he really is watching out for me....
XPEDEX is a company that sends all kinda of paper products to other business, and I work in the shipping department. When orders come in on the computer, I print them out, get all the paperwork ready, and then give them to Tim, who is the guy in the warehouse who gets the order together. I get to announce the orders over the loudspeaker, which is fun. Then when the order is ready, I either put it in Will Call for someone to pick up or I call one of the couriers to come and get it. I do other things like filing and other office tasks, but the people are really nice, and I'm enjoying the job. I will probably be there for more than a month because it will take that long for my subbing license to come through the state department. |
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| Finished |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|09:10 pm] |
Yesterday was my last day of student teaching -- It was two weeks until the end of the quarter and 75% of our students were failing because of so much missing work. So we spent a lot of time on makeup work, pushing the kids to work hard and turn it in, calling parents, organizing portfolios, and a million other things. Some kids still failed, but a lot managed to squeak through with Cs and Ds. Things were so hectic that last week that I really didn't have time to think about being finished. One morning at the copier, Anne, who is the math teacher on our team, told me that she really appreciated the work I had done with the students, that it was a really demanding school to teach in, and that I had done a really nice job...It made me feel really good to hear her say that. Then yesterday the sophomores had a surprise pizza party for me! All the students signed a card with nice little messages and gave me hugs, and the teachers gave me an apple paperweight with my name, the date, and CAMAS Team B engraved on it. My first teacher gift! I was surprised by all the students who said they would miss me, especially students who I didn't have a particularly close relationship with. Brandon patted me on the shoulder and said, "Miss Whaley, it sure will be lonely without you around..." I fell asleep praying for those kids and woke up thinking about them this morning....I'd like to see them in 6 years, to see what they look like, what they've been doing. I hope they'll be happy. It will feel weird when Monday comes, and I'm not at school with them.
The good thing about being done is that I get to rest a little bit and process. I graded a gazillion papers, managed teenage energy, and stood up all day every day on 5 hours of sleep per night. That's not enough rest....Today I slept in until 10:30, and it felt wonderful. I feel really good about my internship because it was really hard, and I'm exhasuted, but I've come to the end of it, and I still want to be a teacher. That's the best reward for all of the hard work. |
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| everyone is smart at something |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|12:41 pm] |
My students were giving speeches today at school, and I witnessed a beautiful thing. Two of my lowest-achieving students gave wonderful, interesting presentations. They got up in front of the class without a hint of nervousness, and "talked" to us about Malcolm X. They made eye contact the entire time, rarely looked at their note cards, didn't stutter, giggle, or lose their places. They demonstrated all of this knowledge on their topics, answered class questions like pros, and kicked butt. They just came alive....
One of the best things about teaching is getting to glimpse the multiple intelligences of kids who seem to fail at everything else. I was so proud of those students, and I was glad that their classmates got to see their speaking smarts, to see them succeed. I wanted to cheer. They were so good! |
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| life soundtrack |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|12:17 pm] |
For Christmas I was going to get plain white dishes from the Pottery Barn, but all of my relatives convinced me that they would buy those for my wedding and encouraged me to get something more fun. So I got a different white thing - an iPod. I hadn't really been interested in them until I read an editorial in City Beat about this hip hop guy who used his all the time....and then I started thinking about how great it would be to have ALL of my CDs with me at the same time. I love my hot pink Discman, but you always have to carry an extra case with bulky CDs and batteries. Plus the iPod just looks good. Come on, it does!
Now that I've got it home and have downloaded all 1,903 of my songs onto this little white machine, I'm really enjoying it I've listened to it every single evening this week. It doesn't really do anything different than my computer does with iTunes (except for the portability). But I like listening to it more than just the laptop. My favorite feature is the ability to shuffle the entire library. It's really interesting to hear Michelle Branch, and then the Ramones, ABBA, some Japanese pop song, Madona, Semisonic, and the Macarena all in a row. I have a lot of different styles of music, so the mix always ends up being eclectic. It makes grading papers for four straight hours a lot more appealing.
Only time will tell if the iPod will end up in the bottom of my electronics drawer or if I will ever get those dishes, but for now I can say that I'm pleased with my Christmas decision. |
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| snowy walk |
[Dec. 22nd, 2004|09:16 pm] |
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Chris and I are snowed in here in Cincinnati -- Even though the roads were covered, we drove here yesterday afternoon because we wanted to have our little Christmas date in my neighborhood. Going out for pizza, watching A Christmas Story, and opening our gifts by my cute little Christmas tree. It turned out to be the right choice. We took our time on the freeway and arrived safely at my apartment. There was no way we could get the car our of the parking lot, so we bundled up and walked up the hill to Ludlow Street for dinner. Most of the restaraunts were closed, but Uno's was still open, so we went inside, had some pizza, and sat by the fire. There was no one else around, and we had to carry umbrellas because of the icy rain. We tromped through the silent streets, holding hands. I think it will be an evening I will always remember. |
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| peace |
[Dec. 13th, 2004|10:58 pm] |
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This morning as I was walking to Hughes, these fat flakes of snow drifted quietly down to the ground, catching on my coat and in my hair and all over the high school papers I was carrying. It finally felt like Christmas to me. Last night before falling asleep, I prayed for a good day today, and God answered my prayer. My students did their work, I got lots of papers graded, and no one said they hated my class. Good day. |
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| i hate capping |
[Dec. 3rd, 2004|12:42 am] |
My students at school have been driving me crazy with all of their capping and making fun of each other. They're really mean. Anytime someone answers a question, at least three other people in the class make rude comments like, "Oh, you're wrong. You never guess the right answer," or if they answer correctly, "Oh, he thinks he's so smart. Remember when you got that answer wrong yesterday?" If I have to correct someone's behavior, other students always have to comment, even if it has nothing to do with them. It's ridiculous. They're constantly getting in each other's business and antagonizing each other...snatching each other's pencils, paper, tripping each other, and a lot of other immature stuff. These students are sophomores in high school, and they really do behave like 3rd graders.
Their self-esteem must be so low that they feel the need to constantly tear each other down all the time. Many of them probably come from very negative school and maybe even home environments. They probably have never felt successful at doing school. But their comments are so damaging. If anything these kids need to be hyper-encouraged, or they really aren't going to make it. Sue and some of the other teachers on our team have been commenting recently about one of their recent groups of kids...Only a few of them are still in school. They get to their senior year and then drop out! I think that's really sad... |
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whaleyam's journal